


Johnny Boy

by Heliosthetroll



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abusive Relationships, F/M, M/M, implied abusive relationship, john questioning his sexuality, vriska and john are engaged and in love but then things happen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2019-05-20 20:01:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14901047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heliosthetroll/pseuds/Heliosthetroll
Summary: A song fic using the song Johnny Boy by Twenty One Pilots.John is engaged to Vriska but then he realizes he might be gay for his best friend Dave making him possibly bisexual and he doesn't know what to do.





	Johnny Boy

Your name is John. You are John. You are John Egbert and that is the only fact you are repeating to yourself as you realize that you are not as straight as you always told people you were. But you’re still John so everything should be fine right? No one will care right? No one will get mad right? No one hate you right? They can’t. They just can’t. Right?

_He stays home from this time he never really told his wife he never really told a lie but this time he decides that it's alright. It’s alright._

You just won’t tell anyone. Yeah that’s what you’ll do. No one has to know. Especially not Vriska. Oh god how could you even tell your fiance that you may have fallen in love with your best friend of so many years. You just couldn’t. So no one needs to know. Ever.

_No one really knows his mind and no one knows behind his eyes the man deserves a medal but he’s never really won a prize before._

It’s not like this is the first thing you’ve hidden from people. You hide things from people a lot. That’s how you get your pranks to work! You have to hide things in order for those to work! This shouldn’t be too different right? Yeah! You can do this easily! Sure a lot of your prank plans got found out and you’ve never really won a prize for being secretive or anything but still. You can do this!

_He goes to lock the door. He is falling in love. He knows it’s enough and the world looks down and frowns._

You get up and lock your bedroom door. You know Vriska hates when you do that, she loves to be able to barge in unannounced on you, but you need some alone time to think. You sit back down at your computer and look at the picture on your screen again. It’s of you and Dave last summer at the beach so of course Dave is shirtless as he smirks at your phone as you took the selfie of the two of you. God you really are in love aren’t you? But your town wasn’t exactly the most accepting town of gay things and neither was Dave’s off in Texas even if he powered through it by not telling anyone but his friends he was gay. God what do you do about this?

_Get up Johnny boy. Get up Johnny boy. Get up cause the world has left you lying on the ground._

You… You feel like you shouldn’t be hiding this. You feel the urge to tell people, someone, anyone, about this but at the same time if you did the consequences would be dire. You don’t want to be silent. You hate being silent. You hate hiding things from your friends and your body wishes you had the freedom to tell people about the change but you just can’t. It’s way too dangerous to tell anyone you might be either gay or bisexual.

_You’re my pride and joy, you’re my pride and joy._

Your phone dings and you nearly fall out of your chair in surprise and your hands shake as you take out your phone from your pocket but then you see who texted you. It’s your dad. Even when you’d moved out of his home all that time ago he continued sending you random messages sometimes saying how proud of you he was. He still thought of you as something to be proud of.

_Get up Johnny boy because we all need you now._

You can’t help but look to your lock screen background. It’s a group selfie that you remember took such a long time to set up even using Dave’s real actual camera rather than a phone because it contains all thirty two of your friend group. Dave had only just managed to slide in before the shot had been taken and you can see where he pressed into you just a bit too much in his rush as everyone squeezed in together. 

_We all need you now._

Your four closest friends plus their siblings and then those siblings friends mixed in with your other friends and their siblings and it’s just a pile of friendship. Dave had insisted he only wanted the photo for irony but you all could tell he was just as sentimental about the one time all thirty two of you were able to be together in person as the rest of you were. It hurt to know what you were now hiding from them all.

_Someone said “Where you going?” Someone said to you “Goodbye.”_

But you can only seem to imagine the worst possible outcome to you coming out to them. Them asking you what the fuck was going through your head and rejecting you. Leaving you behind while they all went to have fun and be friends without you.

_They deflect the disrespect when they say that they blame it on the times. They blame it on the time._

And your town. If anyone in your town were to find out you’d be ridiculed, given dirty looks, gossiped about, maybe even attacked or forced to move. You couldn’t fight someone. And you had nowhere else to go if you were forced to move. Plus Vriska would be pissed if the two of you had to move.

_We all know you’re qualified to fix a chair and love your wife we all know you’re qualified but they all lie when they blame it on the times._

You could build and fix things sure if you ended up having to buy some run down old shack but most of the time you had to ask for help from Dirk or Equius or someone if it was anything that required too much muscle work in order to do. And you loved Vriska, you really did even if many of your friends had no idea what attracted you to her you could see the good in her where they couldn’t and you cared about her even if she could get a bit aggressive and overpowering with you sometimes. You had learned to love her overbearingness too. 

_And we blame it on the times._

You just couldn’t be kicked out you just couldn’t. You couldn’t let that happen.

_He is falling in love he knows it’s enough and the world looks down and frowns._

You look back up from your phone, the screen long having gone dark, and back to your computer screen and the picture of Dave on it. You just couldn’t take it. You truly did love Dave with all your heart and you didn’t know how but you did and you would be hated for it. You knew you would.

_Get up Johnny boy. Get up Johnny boy. Get up cause the world has left you lying on the ground._

You can’t help but get up and pace, feeling the need to be moving as you think deeply about what to do about all of this. 

_You’re my pride and joy you’re my pride and joy._

You unlock and look back down at your phone again. It would be so easy to just text your dad from the unanswered message he sent without even unlocking your phone to tell him everything. Tell him about the change and about your worries and ask him for advice. You know he would be accepting. He’s always been accepting. He’s always done nothing but try to make you happy and show you how proud he is of you even if he gets annoying sometimes. 

_Get up Johnny boy because we all need you now._

Once again your eyes stray to the picture of you and your friends and how happy they all seem and you know you can’t tell him. From there it would be a slippery slope until everyone knew and then everything would fall apart. You know your friends reley a lot on you to keep the group together like glue and even one of them rejecting you would make the whole group crack and crumble until it all fell apart.

_We all need you, now._

They needed you to be strong and keep this hidden. They needed you to keep smiling and keep everyone happy. They needed you to keep the group together. For everyone’s sake you had to keep this under wraps.

_I will carry all your names and I will carry all your shame._

Maybe... Maybe there was a way to be anonymous and come out. That way no one could know it was you and that fake name could carry all the shame you felt about this about hiding this from your friends.

_I will carry all your names and I will carry all your shame._

Yeah. Online you could be no one. You could be yourself truly and fully but no one would know who that someone was.

_I will carry all your names and I will carry all your shame._

But... What if someone found out? What if someone caught you? Then all of it would be back on your shoulders again as you got rejected.

_Get up Johnny boy. Get up Johnny boy. Get up cause the world has left you lying on the ground._

Ugh what do you do? Tell someone? Don’t tell someone? You had no clue and it was eating you up inside knowing that you had this huge secret and had no clue what to do about it. Tell someone and be true to yourself at the risk of losing everything and everyone and ruining everything for everyone else as well or hide it and feel the guilt, shame, and pain of knowing you were hiding this from everyone you knew and cared about so deeply. Including the one you loved. Dave.

_You’re my pride and joy you’re my pride and joy._

One last time you unlock your phone and look at the text from your father that feels like it was sent forever ago even if your phone informs you it was only five minutes ago.

_Get up Johnny boy because we all need you now._

All your friends smile back at you and you feel their joy through the picture and through the memory and you know they rely on you and they need you.

_Get up Johnny boy. Get up Johnny boy. Get up cause the world has left you lying on the ground._

It would be so easy to just type in those words. Those simple words of ‘dad, I think I’m bisexual and I think I’m in love with Dave.’ You can almost feel your fingers moving and typing it out now.

_You’re my pride and joy you’re my pride and joy._

You turn off your phone and take a deep breath as you try to ignore the dark feeling settling in the pit of your chest.

_Get up Johnny boy because we all need you now._

Suddenly your phone dings and you’re confused as you go to check what it is. You find a simple message from your father displayed across your screen. ‘I’m proud of you for telling me John.’


End file.
